A Conversation about Love, Equity, and Marriage

When I first started writing for Model Behaviors, I’d recently gone through a breakup, which forced me into one of the most transitional and transformative periods of my life. I tossed myself into my work at the University of Kansas and reinvested in me—discovering new joys, renewed passions, amazing friends, and uncovering a power and resiliency that was hidden under years of making myself small for others. As I became clear about the people and ideas holding me back from living fully and authentically, I began to take the necessary steps to cultivate more community, love, respect, and compassion in my life. I began to truly live my values, challenged by those around me, and my fear of possibly being alone dissipated. I fell in love with myself. It is that energy I sent out into the universe, and it is that energy which brought me my life partner, Derek.

I left the place where I was broken and left the community that helped me heal to start anew. On January 5, 2015, I started a new job back in my home state. A year and a half later I’m now a homeowner, almost someone’s wife, and even more committed to social justice and equity (if that was even possible).

In our untraditional-traditional fashion, Derek and I made the decision to marry over Valentine’s Day breakfast while I was wearing his turquoise owl onesie. Despite this being a typically commercialized “romantic” holiday, we decided on this together. No fanfare. No extravagant setup. Just an honest conversation between the two of us about what we wanted. We both understand marriage to be, historically and presently, an oppressive institution, specifically toward women BUT we both also understand the power of our relationship and our values as a means of truly transforming what our marriage will look like.

With that said, I couldn’t write about our wedding, our marriage, and the values we hope to live out through our lives together without including my beloved Derek Hall, so I’ve asked him to journey with me for this month’s post to reflect on our future as two betrothed black feminists.

April 22, 2016June 24, 2016

VIDEO: Barbara Guillaume’s Advice Is to Always Share the Love

Have you ever met someone who just exudes such an inner strength and fearless approach to life? Lucky for me, I have and she’s one of my closest friends. Barbara Guillaume possesses these qualities and inspires those around her to follow her example.

I’m honored to have known Barbara for thirteen years. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t take things at face value. She’s determined to know how and why things work, and most importantly, she’s on a mission to get better with age—pushing herself to the limit and never ever giving up on her dreams. She knows her value, traveling an arduous and unapologetic path to get to where she’s at in life. I love the freedom she possesses to say what she believes while believing wholeheartedly in what she says. She marches to her own beat, a beautiful rhythm with such depth and humility, and rooted in love.

March 8, 2016March 4, 2016

Why Leaving Facebook Could Be a Healthy Decision for All of Us

Let me start by saying I’m a big fan of social media!

If you follow me and see how much I post, you’ll know this about me. But this February I decided to take myself off Facebook.

The past couple months I noticed that every time I posted something showing my life as a makeup artist, I got hundreds of likes and comments saying my life looked so “unbelievable” and “glamorous,” but as soon as I posted something really meaningful—like signing a petition to end homelessness—I was barely getting any likes or comments at all. I don’t know if this was because no one cared or because Facebook’s algorithms didn’t show those posts to people. Maybe it was a combination of both.

Either way, that was the first thing that really upset me.

Then I started noticing how much time I was logged in, and I soon realized I was addicted! Addicted to seeing what everyone else was doing and addicted to seeing who liked my posts! I spent countless hours looking at my news feed.

But more than that, it started affecting me, making me feel depressed. I saw how everyone’s lives seemed so much more exciting than mine, and it made me feel lonely.

That raised a red flag. How can I have over 500 friends and feel so lonely? How is it that everyone seems to have such amazing lives and mine is so sad?

February 9, 2016February 9, 2016

MB Collective: How to Prepare for a Serious Relationship

With Valentine’s Day so close and one of our Behaviorists so recently engaged (huge congrats, Laurie and Chris!), I thought it would be fun to check in with each of our Behaviorists in a long-term, committed relationship. I wanted to know how different women mentally prepare themselves for that in-it-for-the-long-haul type of love.

Here’s what they each had to say.

October 21, 2015October 20, 2015

Wellness Wednesday: EXPLORE

All right, everyone. It’s the middle of October. Halloween is so close! Do you have your costume picked out yet? I can’t wait to share pics of mine!

This Week’s Thoughts

One thing I’ve come to love about each of our words is that you can think about them in many different ways. For example, last week with “explore,” Courtney’s quote had a very literal interpretation. This week, though, rather than focus on traveling and exploring new lands, her quote digs into a more personal meaning. This quote asks us to push our own inner boundaries. Can we be a bigger, better version of ourselves? Can we step into uncomfortable feelings and navigate our way through them? Can we expand our definition of “love” to a deeper, more honest meaning?