Marriage | Model Behaviors

When I first started writing for Model Behaviors, I’d recently gone through a breakup, which forced me into one of the most transitional and transformative periods of my life. I tossed myself into my work at the University of Kansas and reinvested in me—discovering new joys, renewed passions, amazing friends, and uncovering a power and resiliency that was hidden under years of making myself small for others. As I became clear about the people and ideas holding me back from living fully and authentically, I began to take the necessary steps to cultivate more community, love, respect, and compassion in my life. I began to truly live my values, challenged by those around me, and my fear of possibly being alone dissipated. I fell in love with myself. It is that energy I sent out into the universe, and it is that energy which brought me my life partner, Derek.

I left the place where I was broken and left the community that helped me heal to start anew. On January 5, 2015, I started a new job back in my home state. A year and a half later I’m now a homeowner, almost someone’s wife, and even more committed to social justice and equity (if that was even possible).

In our untraditional-traditional fashion, Derek and I made the decision to marry over Valentine’s Day breakfast while I was wearing his turquoise owl onesie. Despite this being a typically commercialized “romantic” holiday, we decided on this together. No fanfare. No extravagant setup. Just an honest conversation between the two of us about what we wanted. We both understand marriage to be, historically and presently, an oppressive institution, specifically toward women BUT we both also understand the power of our relationship and our values as a means of truly transforming what our marriage will look like.

With that said, I couldn’t write about our wedding, our marriage, and the values we hope to live out through our lives together without including my beloved Derek Hall, so I’ve asked him to journey with me for this month’s post to reflect on our future as two betrothed black feminists.