A Conversation about Love, Equity, and Marriage | Model Behaviors

A Conversation about Love, Equity, and Marriage

When I first started writing for Model Behaviors, I’d recently gone through a breakup, which forced me into one of the most transitional and transformative periods of my life. I tossed myself into my work at the University of Kansas and reinvested in me—discovering new joys, renewed passions, amazing friends, and uncovering a power and resiliency that was hidden under years of making myself small for others. As I became clear about the people and ideas holding me back from living fully and authentically, I began to take the necessary steps to cultivate more community, love, respect, and compassion in my life. I began to truly live my values, challenged by those around me, and my fear of possibly being alone dissipated. I fell in love with myself. It is that energy I sent out into the universe, and it is that energy which brought me my life partner, Derek.

I left the place where I was broken and left the community that helped me heal to start anew. On January 5, 2015, I started a new job back in my home state. A year and a half later I’m now a homeowner, almost someone’s wife, and even more committed to social justice and equity (if that was even possible).

In our untraditional-traditional fashion, Derek and I made the decision to marry over Valentine’s Day breakfast while I was wearing his turquoise owl onesie. Despite this being a typically commercialized “romantic” holiday, we decided on this together. No fanfare. No extravagant setup. Just an honest conversation between the two of us about what we wanted. We both understand marriage to be, historically and presently, an oppressive institution, specifically toward women BUT we both also understand the power of our relationship and our values as a means of truly transforming what our marriage will look like.

With that said, I couldn’t write about our wedding, our marriage, and the values we hope to live out through our lives together without including my beloved Derek Hall, so I’ve asked him to journey with me for this month’s post to reflect on our future as two betrothed black feminists.

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Bulaong’s 4 Tips for Understanding the Muslim Community | Model Behaviors

Bulaong’s 4 Tips for Understanding the Muslim Community

The following are the words that were spoken over me when I first entered the world. “I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger.” Malika, they named me. It means “queen” in Arabic.

“Bulaong, if and when you get married, promise me that you will hyphenate your name. Ramiz is a noble, royal name. Ramiz is a name used by important and influential people in Africa, Middle East, and Asia. Ramiz means symbol of God; dignified one who’s indicated by sign. Ramiz has origins in Africa. It is a highly respectable name. Never forget that you are royalty, you’re noble, you’re a princess of rich stock. You will always be Bulaong Malika Ramiz. Love, Dad.”

My name has always been my most consistent connection with Islam. Well, that and my eating “restrictions.” I never prayed five times a day or wore hijab, but being raised Muslim has always been a part of my identity that I’ve claimed, critiqued, honored, and appreciated. In my growth as a social justice educator, I’ve become more and more critical of organized religion—seeing the value in it while also seeing how dangerously indoctrinating it can be. As I continue to learn more about myself, my relationship with religion wavers.

Born to a Catholic mother and a Muslim father, raised by my Muslim grandmother while attending Catholic school, I tried my best to both fit in and stand out during my formative years. I had confusing interactions and deeply transformative experiences.

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Bulaong's Call for Compassion after the Paris Attacks | Model Behaviors

Bulaong’s Call for Compassion after the Paris Attacks

I am a Black American woman born Muslim. I am weary, I am frustrated, and I am disappointed with the selective memory and selective compassion of many of my fellow Americans. I’ve watched videos of Black men shot by police, and I’ve seen photos of Syrian toddlers drowning while seeking refuge. Yet our profile pictures do not display #blacklivesmatter or the flag of Syria, Beirut, Turkey, and the countless other countries that have fallen victim to senseless, violent terrorist attacks.

This observation is not intended to create a hierarchy in the violence happening around the world but rather to call attention to what we mourn and what we choose not to mourn as a nation, as individuals, and in the media.

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Bulaong's List of Important Issues to Think About for the 2016 Elections | Model Behaviors

Bulaong’s List of Important Issues to Think About for the 2016 Elections

With the ongoing Black Lives Matter movement in conjunction with the upcoming presidential election, more and more people seem to be paying attention to what candidates are saying about the issues disproportionality affecting Black communities—police brutality, mass incarceration, unemployment, environmental racism, and more. It should be noted that all issues present in the election are intersecting. They impact the lives of all marginalized peoples.

We’ve seen Black Lives Matter activists across the country challenging politicians, leaders, and presidential candidates on the national stage, urging them to address issues of police brutality and systemic racism. We’ve seen candidates like Bernie Sanders proclaim that Black Lives Matter and other candidates ignore the issue completely, more specifically the GOP in their first debate. Because of the rhetoric espoused by many Republican candidates around reproductive rights, the economy, and war, I’m choosing not to spend this piece talking about them because most of their ideology and ideas would have an adverse effect on my ability to live a full, free, affirming life as a Black working-class woman. For this piece I will focus on the two major topics that I’m personally paying attention to as they pertain to deciding who will get my vote in 2016. Those two subjects are police brutality/policing reform and education/access to higher education.
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Wellness Wednesday: CONNECTION | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: CONNECTION

Yesterday was the first day of September, a month that will transition us from summer to fall. This also means it’s time for a new Word of the Month. Our featured Behaviorist is Bulaong, and she’s chosen “connection”! It’s hard to believe that this month is Bu’s one-year anniversary writing for Model Behaviors. Her first post for us was a review of the documentary “Brave Miss World” last September. I love the passion and honesty that Bulaong continues to bring to each of her posts, and I can’t wait to see with this dynamic social justice warrior accomplishes in the next year. 

Here are her thoughts on “connection” and what that word means in her life.

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