A Conversation about Love, Equity, and Marriage

When I first started writing for Model Behaviors, I’d recently gone through a breakup, which forced me into one of the most transitional and transformative periods of my life. I tossed myself into my work at the University of Kansas and reinvested in me—discovering new joys, renewed passions, amazing friends, and uncovering a power and resiliency that was hidden under years of making myself small for others. As I became clear about the people and ideas holding me back from living fully and authentically, I began to take the necessary steps to cultivate more community, love, respect, and compassion in my life. I began to truly live my values, challenged by those around me, and my fear of possibly being alone dissipated. I fell in love with myself. It is that energy I sent out into the universe, and it is that energy which brought me my life partner, Derek.

I left the place where I was broken and left the community that helped me heal to start anew. On January 5, 2015, I started a new job back in my home state. A year and a half later I’m now a homeowner, almost someone’s wife, and even more committed to social justice and equity (if that was even possible).

In our untraditional-traditional fashion, Derek and I made the decision to marry over Valentine’s Day breakfast while I was wearing his turquoise owl onesie. Despite this being a typically commercialized “romantic” holiday, we decided on this together. No fanfare. No extravagant setup. Just an honest conversation between the two of us about what we wanted. We both understand marriage to be, historically and presently, an oppressive institution, specifically toward women BUT we both also understand the power of our relationship and our values as a means of truly transforming what our marriage will look like.

With that said, I couldn’t write about our wedding, our marriage, and the values we hope to live out through our lives together without including my beloved Derek Hall, so I’ve asked him to journey with me for this month’s post to reflect on our future as two betrothed black feminists.

February 9, 2016February 9, 2016

MB Collective: How to Prepare for a Serious Relationship

With Valentine’s Day so close and one of our Behaviorists so recently engaged (huge congrats, Laurie and Chris!), I thought it would be fun to check in with each of our Behaviorists in a long-term, committed relationship. I wanted to know how different women mentally prepare themselves for that in-it-for-the-long-haul type of love.

Here’s what they each had to say.

March 13, 2015December 22, 2015

50 Behaviors of a Healthy Relationship

With the release of “50 Shades of Grey” a month ago and the recent national conversations on sexual expression versus sexual violence, we at Model Behaviors wanted to check in and redefine what it is to have a healthy relationship today.

Together, using our collaborative sisterhood of Behaviorists, we took into consideration our culturally different backgrounds, sexual preferences, relationship experiences, and generated a list of 50 behaviors that constitute a healthy relationship.

February 19, 2015February 19, 2015

50 Shades of Abusive Relationship Dynamics

On Sunday, like many other people, I went to see “50 Shades of Grey.” Over Valentine’s weekend, the film made over $90 million, a box office record for the opening weekend. I have to admit, I never read the books, didn’t know much about the plot, and tried to avoid all reviews and opinion pieces. I was a blank slate and interested to see what all of the hype was about.