Wellness Wednesday: SHINE | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE

Over the last month, I’ve been aggressively de-cluttering. This has led to me uncovering old journals, letters, notes to myself, scribbles here and there, and tiny snippets of who I was years ago. There were a couple things that took me by surprise while reading through all these things. First, as a twenty-one-year-old I was unbelievably self-confident. Second, I was bursting at the seams with passion, drive, and purpose. Reading through those journals, I don’t recognize my thoughts, my voice, my absolute certainty in all that I wrote. I have no recollection of ever feeling so sure of myself.

There were some parts (most parts) that made me either cringe or laugh or both. Here’s a particularly humiliating yet hilarious excerpt:

I’m sad b/c I’m not watching Vampire Diaries tonight. It’s such a guilty pleasure. I know it’s only here because of the latest vampire fetish going on in popular media, instigated by Twilight and True Blood, but I liked vampires way before any of this. It bums me out b/c by the time I’ve made a name for myself, they will probably be on the decline in popularity which means I’d have to wait a few more years before revisiting my vampire musical.

Yes, you read that correctly. At one time, I dreamed of writing a vampire musical. And not a campy one. A serious one.  Oh, Courtney, Courtney, Courtney. You strange and wonderful girl. (In all seriousness, I need to watch The Originals. I heard that show is awesome!) And let’s not ignore the “by the time I’ve made a name for myself” comment. I was obsessed with being famous, and that obsession is all over my journal. Despite the ridiculousness, as I read on, it hit me how much my internal monologue has changed over the last ten years, not necessarily for the better. I’m not as in touch with my gut as I was back then. My point of view on people, the world, myself wasn’t nearly as clouded by self-doubt or anxiety. There was a lot of naiveté but also a lot of optimism and joy. My pure belief in self was astounding.

Like in that excerpt, for example. There was zero doubt that the vampire musical was happening. Not one speckle. I want to feel that sure of myself again!

So for our last week to reflect on shine, I’ve gathered some wisdom from my own journals. It feels a bit like fate that I found these journals around the same time that Joanna supplied us with this amazing quote by Anaïs Nin, a woman famous for her deeply introspective and insightful journals. I’m no Anaïs Nin (not by a long shot), but after reading my own journals, here are the top five lessons I’ll keep in the forefront of my mind as I go forward in life.
Read More “Wellness Wednesday: SHINE” >

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE

As vain and self-assured as this might sound, I never thought I was the type of person who needed a life coach. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even know what one was. I just figured that if Model Behaviors was able to get a certification, it would be another service our amazing contributors could offer women and like-minded businesses. So, I blindly began the process, feeling around in the dark as I navigated the unknown with every intention of keeping an open mind. But there were some cringe-worthy setbacks that would stop me in my tracks and jostle the cynic in me—like coming face-to-face with one of my own latent limiting beliefs.

I’d heard this term, “limiting beliefs,” before and similar types of terms, and through the years they’ve gained more traction, but secretly, I thought they sounded pathetic and contrived. We’ve all had bad experiences, but letting them take hold of our lives turns us into victims, right? All we need to do is shovel them into the recesses of our mind. If we keep them there long enough, we can toss some dirt on them and plant some flowers there, too. Nobody would ever need to know about them, even if they’re rooted in negativity.

Because the world isn’t always pretty, I’ve had to toughen up. 

Well, that’s because I grew up in a tough place, I told myself. I left home at sixteen. I worked in the fashion industry for twenty years. Close friends of mine were murdered. I lost my own sister tragically. And I was in a four-year relationship to a con artist who swindled away my life savings.  I had nothing to show for anything.

Because the world isn’t always pretty, I’ve had to toughen up.

Read More “Wellness Wednesday: SHINE” >

Wellness Wednesay: SHINE | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE

When I look at this quote I can’t stop hearing this song in my head…

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.
Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

As is often the case these days, when I’m contemplating how I want handle something moving forward or how I want to continue wholeheartedly on this journey of personal growth, I often think of my two daughters.

With this popular song especially, I find myself singing to it and with it, despite the fact that I’m most definitely tone deaf. The idea of letting your inner light shine is something I so badly want to instill in my daughters, not only by telling them how important that unique part of them is, but by showing them as well—by example.

Read More “Wellness Wednesday: SHINE” >

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE

Who knew I would become a lifestyle transformation coach for a living? Years ago, when I was living as Miserable Marzia, I would’ve never imagined it. But I know from firsthand experience that change is always possible!

Watching the fireworks shows this past Fourth of July, I realized in life, we meet people who bring out the best in us. When we’re around them, we burst and shine bright like a spectacular fireworks display. But then there are people who bring out the opposite. Around them, we are like a dud firecracker. We sparkle for a moment, but ultimately nada. We want to light on fire but no sparks fly. It took me a long time to understand that I could catch on fire from other people’s positive energy and shine bright into the universe.

Read More “Wellness Wednesday: SHINE” >

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE | Model Behaviors

Wellness Wednesday: SHINE

There’s a lyric by one of my favorite artists, Laura Marling. I first heard it when I was about twenty-one or twenty-two, and I didn’t really know how to interpret it. The lyric goes…

I need shine, I need shine, I need shine. Step away from my light. I need shine.

Ever since Joanna told me she’d like to choose “shine” as our Word of the Month for August, this song has been stuck in my head, this line in particular. It definitely has meaning for me after a year of unprecedented mass shootings and terrible acts of violence all over the world.

Read More “Wellness Wednesday: SHINE” >