As vain and self-assured as this might sound, I never thought I was the type of person who needed a life coach. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even know what one was. I just figured that if Model Behaviors was able to get a certification, it would be another service our amazing contributors could offer women and like-minded businesses. So, I blindly began the process, feeling around in the dark as I navigated the unknown with every intention of keeping an open mind. But there were some cringe-worthy setbacks that would stop me in my tracks and jostle the cynic in me—like coming face-to-face with one of my own latent limiting beliefs.
I’d heard this term, “limiting beliefs,” before and similar types of terms, and through the years they’ve gained more traction, but secretly, I thought they sounded pathetic and contrived. We’ve all had bad experiences, but letting them take hold of our lives turns us into victims, right? All we need to do is shovel them into the recesses of our mind. If we keep them there long enough, we can toss some dirt on them and plant some flowers there, too. Nobody would ever need to know about them, even if they’re rooted in negativity.
Because the world isn’t always pretty, I’ve had to toughen up.
Well, that’s because I grew up in a tough place, I told myself. I left home at sixteen. I worked in the fashion industry for twenty years. Close friends of mine were murdered. I lost my own sister tragically. And I was in a four-year relationship to a con artist who swindled away my life savings. I had nothing to show for anything.
Because the world isn’t always pretty, I’ve had to toughen up.
During this yearlong coaching certification process, I found out that I was pregnant. And maybe it was the hormones talking, but before I even knew what was going on, it all started to resonate with me. I was learning about the neuroscience behind our patterns and the changes that take place in our brain throughout our lifetime. These patterns are often developed in our early years, and negative experiences have lasting effects, more so than most good experiences. This makes sense when you consider the lingering effects of insults versus compliments. We’re more likely to remember that one insult we were given over any of the four compliments.
Then, just as I was finishing up my certification, there was one last requirement to fulfill—working with a life coach. I wasn’t as hesitant as I thought I’d be. In fact, I was excited to see what it was all about, even if deep down, I didn’t believe I needed any help. I’d already worked all of my issues out, right?
Because the world isn’t always pretty, I’ve had to toughen up.
Sometimes, we can only push ourselves so far on our own. I liken it to working with a personal trainer. Yes, it seems unnecessary, but the results speak for themselves. It’s just as important to keep our mental and emotional well-being in good health, as it is our physical well-being. Sometimes those voices in our head—whether they’re there to protect us or help us—hinder us from growing. They establish bad patterns, negative roots disguised with flowers on top. Only when we realize what they are, can we change our negative patterns to more positive ones.
So that limiting belief I’d stubbornly held on to for so long began to soften and evolve. Through working with my coach, I removed the flowers, dug through all the dirt, and removed the negative roots of that belief. I planted a new belief instead.
Because the world is how I view it, I don’t have to toughen up. I already possess an inner strength.
Working with a life coach is a collaboration, as is working with a personal trainer. A life coach isn’t a therapist, just like a personal trainer isn’t a physical therapist. Life coaches and personal trainers are trained to motivate clients, set goals, and provide accountability and feedback to help their clients achieve desired results.
After working with a life coach and becoming one—just in time for the birth of my daughter—I think I’ve grown in ways I never knew were possible. I don’t have negative self-talk anymore, even the type of talk that is disguised to protect me. Now, I’m a goal-achieving machine. And most importantly, I’ve learned to set boundaries and not spread myself too thin. Now more than ever, I realize the importance of when to say no. As a new mom, it’s so easy to forget about myself and put my goals and dreams on hold for everyone else. I’d like to think I would’ve gotten to this place on my own, but just like my abs that I hope to have back again one day, I needed the help.
And because of that realization, I love helping others find that inner strength and motivation to conquer their goals and shine bright from their burning hearts. Since experiencing both sides of life coaching—as the coach and the client—there are four things that I tell my potential clients or anyone else considering a life coach.
1. Make Sure There’s Chemistry
This is the foundation for a successful client-coach collaboration. The client must interview a couple of coaches before making a decision. This is an intimate relationship, not a speed-date. A good coach is like a mirror, to help clients see themselves more clearly. If a client holds back because they don’t quite feel comfortable, the reflection of themselves will be distorted. (Pssst…On our Coaching page, we’ve already got a list of amazing coaches lined up for you as a jumping-off point.)
2. Set Some Ground Rules
Like any relationship, each person should understand the other’s needs. Ground rules help establish healthy behaviors. When in doubt, reference these guidelines to help get back on track. It’s easy to cross lines in intimate relationships, but as a brilliant friend once told me, “If you know what you’re about to say next, then you aren’t listening.” Listen, and when in doubt, read the ground rules.
3. Journal the Process
There have been many books written about the importance of journaling. The best way to see if something is working is to be able to track the progress. Not only should you be able to read it, but those around you should be able to see it as well.
4. Check in on Goals Regularly
SMART goals should always be evaluated. That means, making sure that goals are specific. What do I want to accomplish and why is it important? Measurable. How much or how many? How will I know that I accomplished it? Achievable. How can this be accomplished? Is it realistic? Relevant. Is now the right time? Is it worthwhile? And, Timing. When will this be accomplished? How can I work on my goal today?
Just as I have found a new inner strength through life coaching, I hope you will too, “Shine bright, beautiful ones. Throw light from your burning hearts.”
If this quote resonates with you, we’ve created desktop and mobile backgrounds for you to download for free! Just click the image of the version you’d prefer. Hand-lettering designed by Allison Hyde.
