Dear Toni,
I got dumped again. Well, sorta. You see, we were dating for a couple of months and I thought everything was going well, but then he got ‘busy’ and he just stopped calling. It’s not the first time ‘busy’ has happened in a relationship for me, either. Honestly, at this point I’d settle for some of those old fashioned break-up lines, just for some closure: I’m not ready for a commitment; Let’s be friends; I think we want different things, etc. I guess I’m clueless when it comes to men, because I really thought this one was a keeper. How do I weed out the disappearing acts and find a man who is marriage material?
MR
Dear MR,
Believe it or not, you’re already on the right track. You’ve learned (albeit the hard way) that ‘busy’ just means unavailable. And if you keep yourself open for ‘busy,’ then you become booty call. Good for you for drawing the line. Being his booty call when you really want a relationship is as awkward as jean shorts and tights.
The truth is, if he’s really interested, he’ll make time for you. And, in turn, you’ll have time to get to know him. Lucky for you, I used to be an equal-opportunity dater, and my years of research allowed me to develop The 4-Question Test. It’s 100% guaranteed to help you navigate those first few months of dating and avoid the disappearing acts. Are you taking notes?
The 4-Question Test: Is He Marriage Material?
1. Can I wake up with this person for the rest of my life?
This is question number one because there’s no point in proceeding if the answer is no. I don’t know about you, but I used to have a hard time tolerating some guys for more than an hour. One way to figure out if you’re ‘til-death-do-us-part compatible is by taking a little trip together. If he tends to work your last nerve on even a short road trip, then the test is over.
2. How does he treat his mother?
Again, stop right here if the answer is anything less than very well. I once dated a guy who owned three luxury cars, but gave his mother an old jalopy. What’s more, the way he spoke to her made me cringe. How he treats his mother is how he’ll eventually treat you.
3. Would he make a good father?
Now, marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that children are in the cards. But, if you want to start a family and you’re already seeing signs of extreme selfishness in your boyfriend, you might want to reconsider. Being a good spouse means being a good partner.
4. If something ever happened, would he take care of me? And vice versa?
Speaking of ‘til-death-do-us-part, this component is key. Nothing in life is a guarantee. I recently spoke with a woman who was involved in an accident that left her in a wheel chair. Her boyfriend split because he couldn’t handle her disability. Ask yourself, do you see indications of long-lasting compassion in your potential life partner?
Ultimately, dating should be fun. Like a trip to Baskin Robbins, you should taste a few flavors before you make your final choice. Don’t set your heart on a double-dip cone right from the start. Take a sample and ask yourself the right questions.
Until next time,
Toni
Written for DFW Style Daily
