Dear Toni, My fiancé and I have been engaged for three years, but our relationship isn’t going anywhere. Maybe I was caught up in the excitement of a potential wedding, but without a date or any real plans for the future, the thrill is wearing off. Every time I approach him about moving forward, he gives me a million reasons as to why it’s not a good time right now. Meanwhile, it always seems to be a great time to borrow my money and go hang out with his friends. I’ve decided to put an end to this charade, but I hope you can help me with an important question.What to do about the ring? He owes me money, but all the traditional rules state that if the woman ends the relationship, she must return the ring. Are there ever any exceptions? KM
Dear KM,
Rules are made to be broken.
Sadly, I see this scenario all the time. Boy likes girl, boy pursues girl, boy doesn’t want to lose girl, but boy wants to keep his options open. So, boy gives girl a ring to occupy girl while boy waits for something better to come along.
I hold the Ring Pop partially responsible for the engagement ring’s ability to distract an otherwise sensible woman. As children, we were fascinated by their fanciful colors and gigantic size. Not to mention, that sweet candy kept us quiet for hours. Has the engagement ring turned into a giant pacifier for grown-up girls?
The fact is, engagement should be a step toward marriage. Otherwise, both parties should be able to keep their options open. Did you know that European women don’t wear engagement rings? They recognize that the emphasis should be on the marriage, and if he doesn’t have to wear a ring until the knot is tied, then why should she?
In your situation, I prefer to see the ring as an investment. He invested in your stock, and earned plenty of dividends (or borrowed them, as it were). Now, it’s time to cash in the ring and take your cut. Afterwards, you should consider reimbursing him for his initial expenditure.
Remember, today’s woman is just as invested in the relationship as the man, and her investment also needs to be protected. Forget the old rules, and take it from someone closer to your generation. Sell the ring. Miss Manners might not agree, but it’s the right thing to do.
Until next time, Toni
Written for DFW Style Daily
Awesome article! I, Velma Givens, have been privileged to speak to Ms. Deborah Bowles on several occasions. On August 10, 2013, we finally got a chance to meet in person at the Connected Hearts Domestic Violence Organization’s 1st Breaking Every Chain Women Conference. Connected Hearts Domestic Violence Organization is the organization that was founded my me, Velma Givens. Ms. Bowles is truly a woman of God, and she will help anyone that is in need. She is most definitely a woman of her word, and I can honestly say that she is being led by God to do the work at hand. This anointed and compassionate woman of God has helped me in more ways than I can express by ministering the unadulterated word of God, and speaking words of life into me. God has truly anointed you to speak into the lives of those who come into contact with you. Thank you for helping me to gain a sense of direction concerning the ministry that God has given me. You’ve really helped me to gain my identity in Christ, and for that, I am forever grateful! I now realize that there is a mandate on my life to help battered, abused, and neglected women from all walks of life. Your love and compassion will never go unnoticed! May God richly bless you in all of your endeavors! I wish you Godspeed concerning your life and every organization that you are connected to. May God continue to use you to inspire and help people all around the word! Love, Velma!